Dear Callie,
I thought I had more time with you. I thought the years would go by slower. I thought that sending you off to school was far off in the distant future. But here we are. The time has come; to let you go, to let you fly.
Right before you came into this world my mom looked at me and said, "your life is about to change forever." I will never forget that moment, or the moment they placed you in my arms for the first time. I was terrified; I had no idea what I was doing but I knew I would do absolutely anything for you.
I don't always get this mom thing right. I lose my shit and sometimes swear like a sailor. I have let you eat Popsicles for breakfast and make a meal out of goldfish crackers and cheese sticks. I have let you stay up way past your bedtime to watch Despicable Me for the 8,725th time while we laugh way too hard at the way the minions say 'BA-NANA!' I have let you pick the donut with the blue icing and sprinkles that stains everything and is a total bitch to get out of clothing, and I've let you eat it before we even got to the checkout. I have let you cause a scene in Target--kicking, screaming and yelling, "YOU'RE A MEAN MOMMY!" while being mom-shamed by onlookers and dragging you out by the arm because I wouldn't give in and buy you the newest season of shopkins. I have let you sleep in my bed, elbow me in the face and steal my sheets because the attachment parenting blogs said it would be good for you, make you feel secure and grounded. I have let you wear PJs in public way past noon because anything that is stain free and doesn't smell like urine is a win.
I've let you do a lot of things that other moms have silently (but loudly) shook their heads at. As a mom I'm constantly worrying & wondering whether or not I'm doing the right thing, making the right decision, teaching you the right things, getting you involved in the right activities, surrounding you with the right people, feeding you the right foods....as a mom some days it's hard to feel like you're getting anything right.
This Summer I took you to a kids yoga class. I came to pick you up and you were sitting in a circle with other kids around your age. The instructor said she wanted everyone to go around the circle and say how they were feeling. One little boy stated he felt "tired and sleepy," another little girl said she felt "happy and excited." Then it was your turn. 'Dear Lord baby Jesus pleaseeeee let whatever comes out of her mouth be appropriate,' I thought to myself. "I feel joyful and kindful" you said gently, glacing over at me with a huge smile. I let out a sigh of relief and tears overflowed from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.
I know I may not always get this mom thing right. I may never say or do the right things. But God--He got you right. In every single way.
You are caring, kind, compassionate, funny, silly, loving, courageous, sassy, spunky, confident, inquisitive, passionate, adventurous and so much more. You are the BEST big sister and you love on your siblings so good. I am so very proud of you.
I hope wherever you go, and whatever you do, that you always remain joyful and kindful my sweet sweet girl.
The world awaits you; I can't wait to see how you're going to change it.
I love you.
Mama
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